Monday, June 30, 2003

It's been a while since I blogged. I bet you thought I abandoned my post. Not a chance.

It's not easy arranging for Polar bears to be shipped back to their home state. The logisitcs of such a relocation are a nightmare. It looks as though everything is working out for the best. I hope the animal rights activists that have been calling my house at all hours day and night, will stop now that they've bene returned home safely. I don't think Noah had to deal with animal rights activists...then again I think Noah WAS the animal rights activist.

Circa's slowed his refined sugar consumption and tossed the last of the donuts from our competition.

The night was spent bowling, billiarding, talking and drinking. Always enjoyable.

More adventures await on the road ahead. I'll blog about them all.

Saturday, June 28, 2003

The contest is moving along nicely. Circa is sick on the donuts. Four down and he's complaining that his mouth feels like it's coated with Crisco. Makes me laugh. I've finished four of my Pepsi Twist's, three of them have contained RUM.

Melissa is now eating one of Circa's donuts. I'm feeling cheated...He's all for it.

We've discovered a new and evil drinking game called "Drunk Driver". Evil Game.

Circa just said "Drinking doesn't make me fat because I'm too hungover to eat the next day."

This is one contest where there are no winners.

Circa - 4 donuts, 4 beers
Bitter - 4 pepsi twists (3 bacardi & pepsi twists)

I am BitterTree's terrible idea

This morning, after breakfast with Circa1977 and Melissa, we were discussing Blogs and blogging and my post on self-control. As you may know already, circa has a problem with donuts. I have a problem with soda. I casually mentioned to Circa that I would drink a soda, the first one in nearly ten months, if he would eat a donut.

He accepted the challenged, and suggested he would eat twelve donuts if I were to drink a six pack of soda. I accepted that challenge.

Following Reeves' first law of drinking..."any time there can be drinking, there should be drinking" this contest has now transformed into into a night of gluttony, abandonment of any and all self-control. Beer has been purchased, a handle of Bacardi sits opened on the counter and a deck of cards is screaming for us to play some drinking game.

It has begun. I will update hourly.

Circa - 2 donuts, 1/2 beer.
Bitter - 1/2 Pepsi Twist.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

The search for zoological refrigeration equipment is not going well. I've spent a small fortune over the last few days on ice blocks for the polar bears, though my local mini-mart owner isn't too upset about that. I told him I'm building an igloo. He doesn't know about the ark, nor would he understand.

On top of that, who knew that June fell during the mating season for the polar bears? I'm not even sure that I have a male and female. They've been a bit stressed because they've been cooped up in the ark this entire spring and now this heat isn't helping. I'm doing my best. They like lemonade.

The other animals, well, I let them go. I figured it was about time they learned self-reliance. So they scurried into obscurity in my neighborhood. I read in the paper this morning that yesterday someone reported seeing a llama near their swimming pool. I turned the page and read dilbert. He cracks me up.

Okay, well, until I can find a new home for my furry friends, I'll have to make some more lemonade. I may need to buy 3 tickets to northern alaska soon. They do live in Alaska, right?

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

You know you watch too much TV when you start recognizing actors from commercials in other commercials.

I just saw a woman from an expedia commercial in a Geico commercial.

I don't even have cable.

My name is Mark and I have a problem with doughnuts.

And we all have our weakness for strong drink, I'm sure.
- Guestblogger Circa1977

I have a friend who has a problem with donuts. He won't eat them.

I have a friend who has a problem with ice cream sandwiches. He won't eat them.

I have a problem with soda. I won't drink it.

Are you all freaks? Are you all diabetic? Do you have a problem with refined sugar?

Not at all. In fact, the other two would have no problem eating/drinking the problem food of the third.

Well then, what problem could all three of you possibly share?

Our problem? Our problem is self-control.

We recognize it in ourselves that we in fact do have a problem with the food/beverage. If friend A eats one donut, he'll eat the dozen. If Friend B eats one ice cream sandwich, he'll eat the box, and if I have just one sip of the deliciously sweet, bubbly beverage we know as soda, I'll drink half the case.

We recognize the problems in ourselves and we took action. We stopped. We knew it couldn't continue with the gluttonous lifestyle we were leading. We were all leading this lifestyle independently, too.

This was supposed to be funnier. Just turned out sad. I really do have a problem with soda.

Call me Noah.

Okay. I get it. It's hot out. It's about time if you ask me. Winter ended yesterday and jumped right into summer. Between the official start of spring in March and the official start of summer last week, there were two nice sping days. One at the end of April and one in May. There were also three blizzards, 84 days of rain and an ice storm. This scared me so I prepared myself. Now I have an empty ark in my back yard, several hundred small and midsize animals who need to be fed and two frisky polar bears I need to keep cool. Sometimes, I tend to overreact.

So summer has come out to play, like it should have done weeks ago. It's hot now. I like it. If this had only happened weeks ago, I wouldn't have the enormous animal-feed bill sitting next to me or searching the web for a place to buy zoological refrigeration equipment.

So goes the world.

For the past few weeks I've been reading "Fast Food Nation" the New York Times bestseller and all around interesting and balanced account of ALL aspects of the fast food industry. The author covers everything from the franchising, worker unions and factory farming to soft drink sponsorship of school districts, slaughterhouse injuries and corporate greed. In the book he argues that one of the worst jobs in the US today may be the overnight cleaning crew in a slaughterhouse. To fully understand just how horrendous the job is, you'll have to read the book, but I must say its not pleasant.

I'd like to add another terrible job to the list. Sure sure, EVERYONE says their job is the worst, but I must say, this is one job I would NEVER want. If you have ever worked retail and had to handle an irate customer, this one is for you...

Lost Luggage Clerk - I can think of no worse customer service position than this one. The ONLY people you see are people who are angry because their luggage has been lost by YOU. You never see the people who had a fine flight and have collected their luggage..No one ever comes over to your counter, suitcase in hand and says "Excuse me, I just wanted to say thank you for not losing my luggage, I really appreciate it!"

That's your assignment everyone. The next flight you take, where your luggage collection is successful, take a moment to thank the clerk behind the lost luggage counter. I'm sure he/she will appreciate it.

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree and this bitter sapling is near to the heart of he who has been scorned and spurned by the world.

Best blogging to this erudite fledgling wrangler of words in the world of the web. Oh, the web he weaves.
- Guestblogger Circa1977

My mother left me this article this morning with a little Post-It note attached that reads "Here's something you could do"


Okay Okay, so here we are again.

Last summer I started my first blog, but in the fall sometime I decided to take it down. An angry post about U-Haul and Google's relentless caching and linking to that post, as well as pending new employment led to its demise. Who wants your new employers to read your blog??

However, once you've started blogging you can never go back. You are always thinking of ways to write in your blog what is happening around you. There's something exciting about having an audience into your life...or at least thinking you have an audience. Grrrowl.

So here I am, again. The reader of blogs, switching sides to be a creator of one. Yikes. Pressure is on.

My New Blog!

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